CAT | Hockey Pool
It’s nice to have you back, Marek! 
You were greatly missed.
Remember when the Poop Faces were dead last? Me too! Those were sad days! Luckily, a corner has been turned, and the Poop Faces have crawled out of that dreaded 9th place spot to secure Eighth! We’re keeping the dream alive!
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Big Poop Face Welcome to Scott Walker, Texas Ranger
1 Comment | Posted by SockBoy in Hockey Pool
Maybe you can succeed where Rick Nash has failed.
I’ve kept quiet about it, but Dave has let the cat out of the bag.
The Poop Faces are doing horrible so far this year. Not only are we in last place, we are over 60 points out of 1st place. To put that in perspective, I would need to combine my points with the 62.5 points of the Kingston Canadians in order to take the top spot. Scary stuff!
As the GM/Coach of the Poop Faces, it pains me a great deal to see the young Poop Face fans walk away from each game with their heads hanging low, their once proud team reduced to a laughing stock. Once they dreamed of becoming a bonafied LBFF player, their name being called on draft day, pulling the Poop Face jersey over their head, getting their photo taken with yours truly. Now, they hide their replica Poop Face jersey in the back of the closet, the jeers from their classmates forcing them to retire what was once their favourite outfit.
The press conferences after the game have become an exercise in empty words and false promises. I can only promise that the team will turn it around so many times before the claim has lost all meaning. Not even a month into the young season and we’re already being labelled by the local media as an ‘also-ran’. It’s a pretty depressing situation.
What I need is…
I need a hero
I’m holding out for at hero ’till the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fightI need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Hear that, Poop Faces? Who’s going to be the hero that saves this team? Spezza? Lehtonen? Sykora? Kaberle? Who’s going to be the one that steps their shit up and delivers this team some glory? Wellwood? Nash? Elias? The fans have waited a long time, they’ve poured everything they’ve got into this team. Niedermayer? St. Louis? Naslund? The expectations are high, but they should be. You’re a Poop Face! Play with some pride!
The season is young. There’s still plenty of time to turn it around. Go forward, young Poop Faces and restore Poop Face Nation to its previous glory!
Dave’s posted some pictures on his Zoomr account. There’s some excellent pictures from the Columbus trip, and some great pictures of last night’s LBFF trophy presentation. It was a great evening, maybe because the Leafs won for the first time since we went to go watch them in Columbus. Maybe we should watch every game together? I’m sure Mandie wouldn’t mind…
The St. Pats weren’t there to claim their first place trophy, but Aaron Lawrence was on hand to collect his Shit Trophy. The Poop Faces are currently sitting in last place by a fairly substantial margian, so maybe we’ll be the next name on the roll.
Looks like Dave is holding off on posting about our trip to Columbus, too. I, too, will probably blog about it sometime soon… when it feels right. Currently, I’m watching the Maple Leafs suck ass against Ottawa. Poop Face goalie Andy ‘I only get shutouts when you bench me’ Raycroft has decided to suck tonight, so I’m thinking we’re on the express train to last-place ville. *sigh*
I’m going to link over to Dave’s post again because it looks like he’s started playing NHL 2K7 on his recently acquired XBox. He’s surprised that Cam Ward sucks so much. But I was watching a Carolina game on TV the other day, and saw this:
Cam Ward loves his snacks! I didn’t think that goalies were allowed to eat that much during the game, but I guess I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t think the snack food was being rendered in NHL 2K7 for the XBox, but I hear it shows up on the XBox 360. I applaud Kush’s effort to make the game as realistic as possible.
Speaking of tasty snacks, we ate a lot in Columbus. At least I know I did. Before the game, we went to this Mexican-esque cafeteria-style restaurant called Chipotle. It was located right beside the arena, and the service was quick. The tacos were very very tasty. And the beer was cheap. Yum!
Jordan the Gomez has some pictures from the trip posted on his PhotoBucket account. It seems as though he gave up on the camera after the drive in. I had our camera with us, but with all the pictures that Dave and Scotty were taking, I left it in the camera bag. Unfortunately neither of them have posted anything yet, so I will show you what we saw using other people’s pictures:
Nationwide Arena! Hooray!
Somebody else at the Red Star Tavern!
That is all for now. I’ll wait until some real pictures are posted so I can steal them.
Oh, one more thing. Scott posted a commercial that Sony had put together for one of their TVs. It reminded me of my trip to the bathroom after eating so much in Columbus. 
Over the off-season, I had a lot of young fantasy GMs and owners ask me how I created such a successful franchise in the Poop Faces. I refused to tell them. I keep my secrets close to the chest. It doesn’t make you any friends, so hopefully you can make friends in other ways, maybe through a sparkling personality or a handsome face.
…
Here’s a tip. If your players aren’t playing up to their potential, don’t just sit around and let them slack off. You need to make a statement, and make it early. Success is often painful at first, but it pays off in the end.
For example, take 3 of this year’s Poop Faces:
Kyle Wellwood
I play him in the game against Ottawa on Wednesday. He ends up with 0 points and is -1 on the night. I proceed to bench him for tonight’s game. ‘Until you prove to me that you’re worth playing for the Poop Faces, you’ll be benched from here on in’ I tell him. How does he respond? He gets FOUR POINTS his next game. Thank you, Kyle. You’re back on the team. Sure, it’s painful not having those 4 points count towards the grand total, but I’m glad you’ve found your game.
Darcy Tucker
Wednesday, 0 points and a -1. ‘Darcy!’ I say. ‘I need you to be a leader! Go, find out how to be a leader!’ Tonight, 2 goals! On the PP! Nice work, Darcy.
Andrew Raycroft
Wednesday night, 3 GAA. Bench him AND post him on the new Trading Block in Yahoo!. Plays tonight, shutout. The results speak for themselves, folks.
So, what did I miss out on this evening? 6 points, 2PPG, a few PPA, and a shutout. What did I gain? Players that have rediscovered their potential. Kyle, Razor and Darcy have earned their spot back on the roster.
Ignore my last post about mistakes being made during the LBFF draft on Friday night. Those were made late at night, on a belly filled with mozzarella sticks, mexican cheese dip and beer. Looking over the 06/07 Poop Face roster this morning has made me realize that indeed this is the Ultra Super Hyper team that God had promised Poop Face Nation so long ago. I mean, first of all check out our defensive corps:
1. Scott Niedermayer
2. Niklas Kronwall
3. Sergei Zubov
4. Tomas Kaberle
If you remember last year, the Poop Faces also boasted the best D in the league, and it paid off with a quality 2nd place finish. We hope that this Super D can bring us over the top. Our goalie situation is also promising:
5. Kari Lehtonen
6. Vesa Toskala
See how they both have 4-letter, 2 syllable first names? That’s no coincidence. And let’s see what our forward situation looks like:
7. Patrik Elias
8. Rick Nash
9. Pavel Datsyuk
10. Markus Naslund
11. Anson Carter
12. Kyle Wellwood
An impeccable group of fine talent, if I do say so myself. And it looks like Kyle Wellwood is going to be playing on the wing with Mats Sundin this year, and you know what that means: he will bring me points to use! YES!
And, for completeness, let’s take a look at our bench players.
13. Jason Arnott
14. Darcy Tucker
15. Daymond Lankow
16. Andrew ‘Razzzzor’ Raycroft
It will be up to these players to play themselves into a regular roster position. I will keep them motivated by planting turkeys in their ovens so when they come home they can eat it and fall in love with the Poop Face GM! YES!
You can take a look at the new look Stewie Tigercats over here. They are lacking a lot of the hot young gay man talent that they had last year, namely Kovalchuk, so look for the Stewie Tigercats GM to snag up a youngin’ early on to fulfill that need.
I feel as though I may have made some terrible decisions during tonight’s hockey draft. Sorry Poop Face Nation!
Thanks for getting injured and making me play Mr. Elias for the first time in ages. His 5 points will come in handy in our battle against the St. Pats.
Even in your injured state you still find ways to help the team. That’s true Poop Face passion.
