CAT | Hockey Pool
LONDON, Ont., November 27, 2007 – Poop Face Sports and Entertainment Ltd. (TSX: PFSE) is pleased to announce that the Poop Faces SE have overcome the less-than-stellar start of the 2007-2008 LBFF hockey season and are now sitting atop the league with 122.5 points. With a remarkable combination of stellar goaltending and solid offensive contributions from the entire team, the Poop Faces have proven once again that they are a force to be reckoned with.
"I admit, coming out of the draft I was concerned that our scouts performed a less-then-adequate job of bringing the right talent to my attention," explains Poop Face President and GM Chris Ysebert, "so once the season started I decided to act quickly on a few key acquisitions. Vaclav, Pascal, Tomas were some free agents that we signed early in the season that have really worked out great for us. Our D was a concern, so we brought on Mark, Jaroslav, Paul and Michal. Along with some of our draft picks, this team has really come together, and I’m happy as hell for them."
Fans are also raving about the new-look Poop Faces and their recent successes. "One week we’re close to last place, then today I wake up, check the standings and it’s like ‘Holy Shit, we’re in first place!’" an excited Steve Jobs (Apple Corp) exclaims. "Man, for the past year or so it’s been hard to be a Poop Face fan. Frankly, I’ve stopped bringing my Poop Face mug into the office since all I’ve heard from people is how much they suck. Christ, those St. Pats fans really bust my balls. But, looks who’s laughing now! I am! I am laughing now!"
While their recent success is encouraging, all is not well for the Poop Faces. Number one goalie Pascal Leclaire recently left a game due to a hamstring injury and his current status is unknown. Manny Legace and Martin Brodeur aren’t concerned, though. "Manny and me, we’ll be okay," muses Brodeur, "so fans shouldn’t worry. We have stopped many pucks combined, and we will continue to stop pucks while Pascal gets better. Poop Face Nation has nothing to worry about."
Sadly, the success of the Poop Faces comes at the expense of other, more poorly managed hockey clubs. Sources inside the LBFF have indicated that many clubs, including the once-strong St. Pats and Stewie Tigercats as well as new-comers the Decline and Gizomonauts may end the season in the red due to poor fan attendance and their inability to secure solid television deals. Poop Face President and GM Chris Ysebert understands their position. "You know, we’ve been there. It’s not fun, I’ll tell you that, it’s not fun at all. On one side you’ve got your fans screaming at you to make something happen, on the other you’ve got the board wondering where the profits will come from. While we’ve been able to turn things around, we were pretty close to moving the team, changing the name and that, well, that would’ve been the end of an era. I think that LBFF needs the Poop Faces to be a strong team, a competitive team. Last year, when we were wallowing near the bottom of the league, I think that LBFF total attendance was down nearly 40% and profits were down almost 55%! I spoke with the commissioner on a number of occasions and you could see it in his eyes, so tired, so sad. He wouldn’t say it, but I knew what he was thinking: he missed the Poop Faces of old. Now, the official numbers aren’t in, but during our recent run to the top arenas have been packed, there’s been more stories written about our league in major publications, and fans just seem more excited. There’s just something about this team, the history, the lore. Truly, the Poop Faces are the People’s Team."
About Poop Face Sports and Entertainment
Poop Face Sports and Entertainment Ltd. (PFSE) is a privately held organization that owns and operates LBFF’s most coveted sports and entertainment enterprise, the Poop Faces SE fantasy hockey club.
Mandie and I are heading into Buffalo country with a few friends of ours. We are there to watch a hockey game! I am bitter about hockey in general, so I don’t know if I’ll be so fun. The Poop Faces are in shambles, the Leafs are doing badly, and to top it all off… I don’t know how to skate. Woe is me!
Speaking of the Poop Faces, we’ve pretty much written off the season. We tried some last ditch trades to secure some help in between the posts, but injuries and stupidity have gotten the better of us. We may try and pull off a couple more trades, but… things don’t look good. Fear not, Poop Face Nation! The way things are going, we will have first pick in next year’s draft!! ;)
The Poop Faces have mortgaged their future for short-term success. Will it pay off?
Let’s run the numbers:
YESSSSS!
The Poop Faces have fallen victim to the sophomore curse this season, sitting well back of 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th AND 6th place. But, to rub it in? Cold, Commish… cold…
I like surprises. Especially ones that I’m not expecting. Case in point: Vista Media Center. When I turned it on today, there was a new item in the main menu:
This ‘Sports’ menu item just showed up today out of nowhere. And it is all sorts of fantastic. Now, there’s some parts that I can’t take screenshots of due to the limitations of my super-shitty Media Center PC locking up when I try to view live video directly on it (but mysteriously works fine through the XBox 360 Extender…). I will do my best to explain what each sub-item does.
First of all, the ‘On Now’ will show a little bar at the top of the screen with the games that I can watch right now, with their current score. I scroll to the game I want to watch, click it and it shows up underneath the bar. Works great! ‘On later’ just shows me the games that are coming up. Pretty straight-forward. Now, on to more screenshots.
The Scores section, at first glance, looks pretty bare bones:
Highlighting an upcoming game will show you the team’s current record. Clicking on the item brings up some interesting stats about the two teams, like current goals/assists/points leaders, pretty standard stuff.
Clicking on that little Fox Sports item on the side, however, brings up a whole world of fun:
It starts off with a little pre-game synopsis. Very nice!
You can compare a LOT of stats between the two teams. Scoring (even divided up by period) powerplay / penalty kill stats, OT info, shots info… it’s crazy in depth.
Injury info…
You can even compare depth charts, with handy little player graphics. Reminds me of NHL 96. Or something like that. Anyways, all of this is available BEFORE the game starts. What happens if the game is actually in progress? Well, you get some different information. 
You can see the current score, and a shot-tally at the bottom of the screen. Handy for quickly checking how your goalie is doing in the game. Now, no one has scored in this game yet, so I move on…
There is also a ‘Players’ menu option which is HUGE for anyone participating in a fantasy sports league. As GM of the Poop Faces in LBFF, this is exactly what I need to get us over the hump and into 6th place.
There’s support for the NFL, NBA, MLB and the NHL. I’m actually pretty surprised by the level of support for NHL stats in this app. I thought it would be treated like a second-class sporting citizen, but everything works great.
Anyways, I went ahead and added my favourite Poop Faces to my roster:
It’s pretty easy to find all your players here, just type in the first few letters.
And then you’ve got your roster all set up. You can see their current season’s stats in several important categories.
I thought this was pretty cool. Now, none of the Poop Faces are playing tonight since there’s only the one game between LA and Edmonton on right now. I wondered what would happen if one of my players WERE playing right now. So, I added an ex-Poop Face, Petr Sykora. Check this out:
Yeah, live fucking stats. For my whole team. In one spot. StatTracker can eat it. This is heaven.
No one has scored yet in the Edmonton / LA game, so I’ll post an update when there’s some actual stats to view. 
Until then, maybe go set up Windows Vista and bask in the glory of this wonderful piece of technology.
Also, while this surprise was pleasant, there was an even better surprise over the weekend. I want to scan a couple things before I post about it, but it’s coming.
UPDATE:
Stoll managed to score a goal, so here are some screens when there are some stats to look at:
Remember the Poop Face glory days? Sadly, they are far behind us, but we’re going to play the nostalgia card a little. Joey T’s back, baby! W00t!
On a related note, whoever does the NHL video uploads to YouTube needs to be fired.
The Poop Faces have 3 goalies playing tonight, so I have the unenviable position of choosing which two to start. Norenna is an automatic, since he’s awesome, but who do I pick between newly-acquired Huet and Henrik Lundqvist? Hockey Informer had this little tidbit of information that may tip the scales towards Henrik…
Henrik Lundqvist, New York Rangers – Lundqvist is the probable starter for Thursday’s game against the Stars, reports the New York Newsday. Dallas is planning on recalling his twin brother, Joel – a center, so that the two can play against each other.
This is awesome! Dallas is recalling his twin brother just so that he can play against his goalie-man brother. Who wouldn’t want to get in on that action?? Plus, Huet is playing the Lightning, and playing Huet would be betting against the Lecavalier and St. Louis show. That’d just be stupid.
On a related note, the Poop Faces have gone to balls-town this year, currently beating only the Barons and Rink Rats in the standings. I blame it all on Darcy Tucker’s sexy face, and the Coke Fiends’ ability to exploit it. Luckily we got away with only trading Niedermayer and Toskala. Things could have been much worse. Once those angry eyes lock in with yours, any rational thought gets thrown out the window and they only thing you can think about is getting that man in your dressing room.
I was reading sportsnet.ca this morning, and I found some news that brightened my currently-miserable day. Did I tell you that the Poop Faces dropped 8 points last night? Yeah, it hurts. ANYWAYS, check it:
San Jose fans could see Jonathan Cheechoo and Milan Michalek back in the lineup but not in Wednesday’s game against the Minnesota Wild according to Sharks head coach Ron Wilson.
“There’s no need to rush things, especially this time of the year,” Wilson said.
Both Cheechoo and Michalek look to be back this Saturday in Detroit, writes the San Francisco Chronicle.
Hopefully Chris Mason plays better tonight then my other 3 goalies did last night. Raycroft let in 3 goals, Lehtonen let in 4 goals, and new-comer Lundqvist let in 5 goals. I gave up Sykora for you? Pft.
Although it happened a while ago, the Toskala/Niedermayer for Tucker/Joseph trade is still brought fairly regularly when members of the Let’s Be Friends Forever league gather for hockey and drink. There is often talk about how the Poop Faces made a horrible mistake and should be dragged out back and beat up.
Well, let’s look at last week’s stats:
Toskala: a 3.00 GAA with a .889 save %. That’s down right pukey.
Niedermayer: 1 assist. He got 10 penalty minutes, though. Helpful.
Darcy Tucker: 3 goals, 3 assists. 4 of those points were on the PP. And 7 PIM.
In this period, Darcy is tied for 2nd in overall points. Who’s first? Another fine Poop Face: Martin St. Louis.
The Poop Faces have recently dragged themselves out of the gutter and are starting to look more competitive. Good work, team.
UPDATE:
Way to break my balls, team. Nice work.
The hate can continue.
11/21/06 henceforth shall be remembered as the day the Poop Faces turned shit around.
Lundqvist – Cheechoo – McCabe
