I haven’t written much about the Poop Faces lately, and I apologize. There is a lot of news to cover, so let’s get right to it.

First of all, we just recently completed a BLOCKBUSTER TRADE with the Coke Fiends. The Poop Faces will receive Jaromir Jagr, currently leading the league in points, in exchange for Tomas Vokoun, Bryan McCabe and Marek Zidlicky. He joins the #2 and #3 point leaders in the league, Joe Thornton and Erik Staal. We appreciate all of the hard work and dedication that Tomas, Bryan and Marek brought to their games on a nightly basis, but we felt that in order to get to the next level, we needed a winger who could get us points on a consistant basis. As long as he recovers from the ferocious cock punch he received earlier this week, we should be good.

Next on the list, there’s been some concern regarding the status of ‘Crystal Ball’ Huet, Montreal’s current starting goalie, since Aebischer has now joined the team. But, in typical mystic fashion, Huet’s shown that he’s better than all other goalies ever created, and has gotten me another shut out against Boston. Congrats, buddy! You’re the reason we could spare Vokoun. Now, if Ryan ‘I let in goals sometimes’ Miller and Raymond ‘Shutout one night, 6 GAA the next’ Emery could tighten up their games, we could make a real run for goaltending supremecy. We’ll see what happens.

In the bad news department, we’ve lost Marek Svatos for the rest of the season. He requires surgery on his right shoulder that will require four to five months for recovery. I called the Avalanche medical staff and recommended that he be outfitted with a cybernetic shoulder and arm-like appendage that is 20x as strong as his old legacy organic one. They said that when they travel to the future and find such a device, they will travel back in time and outfit each member of the team with one. I said that was acceptable. So, if you’ve got any Avalanche players on your team, keep an eye out.

The Poop Faces have made a couple of minor aquisitions, including the acquisition of David Vyborny so I have someone to cheer for at Saturday’s Columbus Blue Jackets game. Until the Jagr trade goes through, I can’t really pick up anyone to fill up the holes in the roster, so we sit and wait.

There’s some fierce competition in store for the last stretch of the season, which hopefully will be well documented by the following bunch:

Raw Rhubard
King’s Persperation
Tomatoe Power
The Second Line

Actually, let’s not kid ourselves. Wes probably won’t update before the end of the season.

UPDATE:
Holy shit, he updated today.

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